Hope Relentless Christian Marriage Blog

How Leading Yourself Grows Your Marriage | Hope Relentless

Thu, 25 Jun 2026 19:10:18 GMT

The breakthrough is not your spouse changing. Learn how leading yourself, an honest self-inventory, time with God, and healthy rhythms grow your marriage.

Covenant vs Contract in Marriage | Hope Relentless

Thu, 25 Jun 2026 19:10:13 GMT

Do you treat your spouse like a teammate or an opponent? Learn the difference between a covenant and a contract marriage, and the shift that creates real breakthrough.

The Intentional Marriage: Cultivating Connection | Hope Relentless

Thu, 25 Jun 2026 19:03:53 GMT

Nobody drifts into a great marriage. Learn the 5 areas of an intentional marriage, time, money, growth, serving, and accountability, to cultivate real connection.

Your Marriage Is Getting the Leftovers | Hope Relentless

Thu, 25 Jun 2026 19:03:07 GMT

Crushing it at work but struggling at home? Learn why your marriage gets the leftovers, the 3 things competing for it, and how to make it a priority again.

The Power of Repair After a Fight | Hope Relentless

Thu, 25 Jun 2026 19:02:30 GMT

After a fight, the silence does the talking. Learn the 5-step Repair Roadmap to close the gap, apologize like you mean it, and come back together fast.

Doing It All in Marriage, Part 2 | Hope Relentless

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 20:20:52 GMT

Still feel like you do it all? Part 2 is the communication: slow down, use a soft startup and I-statements, and listen instead of defending so help actually comes.

Doing It All in Marriage, Part 1 | Hope Relentless

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 20:15:59 GMT

Feeling like you do it all in your marriage? Part 1 is the attitude shift: drop the scorecard, contribute instead of keeping score, and stay on the same team.

Daily Deposits That Fill Your Spouse's Cup | Hope Relentless

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 20:12:26 GMT

Small daily deposits keep your marriage running on margin, not fumes. Learn how love languages, easy wins, and specific actions fill your spouse's cup every day.

Emotional Connection in Marriage | Hope Relentless

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 19:56:42 GMT

Feeling lonely or distant from your spouse? Learn the hindrances to emotional intimacy and a simple SASHET check-in to rebuild emotional connection in marriage.

The Power of Words in Marriage | Hope Relentless

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 19:52:58 GMT

Your words are never neutral in a marriage. Learn the 5-to-1 ratio, how to repair after harsh words, and the encouragement exercise that rebuilds connection.

Renew Your Mind, Renew Your Marriage | Hope Relentless

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 19:47:39 GMT

The way you think about your spouse becomes the way you experience them. Learn to take your thoughts captive and renew your mind to transform your marriage.

Breaking the Blame Game in Marriage | Hope Relentless

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 19:10:55 GMT

Stuck in the blame game? Learn how personal responsibility, not waiting on your spouse to change, gets your marriage unstuck and back on the same team for good.

Why Am I Always the One Who Brings Things Up? | Hope Relentless

Tue, 23 Jun 2026 22:41:38 GMT

Feel like you're the only one who brings things up in your marriage? Learn how awareness, perspective, and a better approach turn frustration into teamwork.

Does Time Heal Marriage Wounds? | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 20:55:31 GMT

Does time heal marriage wounds? Not on its own. Time can cool the intensity, but real healing takes intentional repair, forgiveness, and a safe place to be heard.

Should Your Spouse Meet All Your Needs? | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 20:54:40 GMT

Should your spouse meet all your needs? No human can carry that weight. See why your deepest needs are met in God, and how to trade expectation for connection.

Should You Have a Backup Plan for Marriage? | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 20:42:06 GMT

A backup plan feels wise, but a plan B quietly drains your commitment. See why going all in, with no exit, is what actually grows a marriage that lasts.

Can You Fall Out of Love? Or Is Love a Choice? | Hope

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 20:12:16 GMT

You don't just fall in or out of love. Love is a choice you make and act on, even in the dry seasons. Here is how that one shift can change your whole marriage.

Is Counseling Only for Messed-Up Couples? | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 19:55:02 GMT

Think marriage counseling is only for couples in crisis? It is not. See why healthy couples get counsel too, and how to drop the messed-up label for good.

Does True Love Take Work? A Marriage Myth | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 19:40:41 GMT

If real love feels hard right now, you are not failing. See why true love takes work, the myth that trips up good couples, and one small step to reconnect today.

Why Marriage Matters: The Power of Community | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 05:47:14 GMT

A healthy marriage overflows into your whole community. Here's how to host instead of entertain and change the world one marriage at a time, starting with yours.

Why Marriage Matters: The Power of Family | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 05:45:32 GMT

More is caught than taught. Here's how the health of your marriage shapes your kids, why family-of-origin patterns repeat, and how to break the cycle.

Why Marriage Matters: The Power of Partnership | Hope Relentless

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 05:41:00 GMT

Marriage brings the highs and lows of life into one partnership. Here's why two really is better than one, and how to invest in a marriage worth having.

The Ultimate Guide to Christian Marriage Communication 2026

Wed, 17 Jun 2026 19:06:56 GMT

Learn how to communicate in a Christian marriage without conversations turning hurtful. A pastor-coach guide to the Communication Loop, repair, and real connection.

Why Hard Conversations in Marriage Go Sideways

Tue, 16 Jun 2026 12:47:37 GMT

Why do hard conversations in marriage go sideways? Learn the fight, flight, freeze or fawn pattern, a Proverbs 18:21 readiness test, and how to get back on the same team.

Praying Together as a Couple + Finding a Church Home

Tue, 09 Jun 2026 18:45:31 GMT

Prayer and church can feel like landmines in marriage. Here's how to pray together without the performance pressure and find a church home you don't dread.

Spiritual Connection in Marriage: A Christian Couple's Guide

Tue, 26 May 2026 15:05:46 GMT

Spiritual Connection in Marriage: A Christian Couple's Guide

You have both read your Bible. You have both prayed. Separately. Side by side on the couch, in the same house, sometimes in the same room. And when you close the Bible and look at each other, it doesn't feel like connection. It feels like two people doing their own thing in the same zip code.

That gap is more common than most Christian couples want to admit. And it has nothing to do with how much either of you loves God.

In this episode, we're talking about what actually creates spiritual connection in a marriage, the pitfalls that quietly kill it, and what you can do this week to start building something real.

Listen to the Full Episode

Want the full conversation? Listen to the complete episode on spiritual connection in marriage - we share what worked for us, what flopped, and how to start when it feels awkward.

EPISODE SUMMARY

Spiritual intimacy is one of the most common longings we hear from couples. They want it. They just don't know how to get there. And sometimes the harder they try, the more disconnected they feel.

The foundation is individual faith. When both of you are personally growing in your relationship with God, you bring something real to the table when you come together. You're not manufacturing connection out of nothing. You're moving what already exists in your individual walk into a shared conversation.

Individual Faith as the Foundation

One of the things Chad and I have learned is that God has to be the source, not just the subject. When both of us are spending time in the Word and in prayer on our own, we show up to conversations about faith with something to share. Something to discover together.

But we also work with couples who want spiritual connection and neither of them is individually growing. That's where it gets complicated. You can't build shared spiritual intimacy out of nothing. Both people need to be growing toward God on their own first. That's what positions you to connect together.

Getting on the Same Page About Expectations

One of the biggest landmines in spiritual connection is mismatched expectations. If one spouse is expecting daily prayer check-ins, devotionals, and constant spiritual dialogue, and the other thinks spiritual connection means you both love God and you're good, someone is going to end up disappointed and resentful.

Your expectations about what spiritual connection should look like come from somewhere. The church you grew up in. Your parents' marriage. The couples you admire. None of those models are your marriage. Some of those patterns are worth keeping. Some aren't. The point is to actually have the conversation about what you're both hoping for in this season, instead of assuming the other person already knows.

Three Pitfalls That Erode Spiritual Connection

Weaponizing Scripture

When a couple first starts sharing faith, one of the fastest ways to shut it down is pulling out a verse that points to where your spouse is falling short. There is always a verse that applies to your spouse. There is always one that applies to you first. Jesus was direct about this with the disciples: deal with the plank in your own eye before the speck in your neighbor's. That instruction is nowhere truer than in marriage, where you have full access to each other's shortcomings. When the Bible becomes a tool for criticism, people stop wanting to talk about it.

Keeping Score

Sarah-Gayle spent years waiting for Chad to initiate prayer, not saying anything, and quietly logging the days he didn't. She's honest about that now. It's also honest that it's common. When we keep track of who prayed last, who initiated devotions, who is serving at church and who isn't, we build a debt the other person can never fully repay. Spiritual connection can't grow in an environment where someone is always on trial.

Judging or Pushing

When one spouse is further along spiritually, the temptation is to make the other feel the gap. An offhand comment about going to bed early because of church. A pointed question about why your spouse isn't reading the Bible. These feel small. They register. People don't lean in when they feel pressure. They withdraw. If you want your spouse more engaged, encouragement and open invitation will always outperform expectations and ultimatums.

When You're in Different Places

A lot of the couples we work with have a significant gap in where each person is spiritually. One is engaged, going to church, reading, serving. The other is somewhere else entirely.

The most powerful thing the more engaged spouse can do is create an environment worth joining. Pray for your spouse. Extend open-ended invitations with no punishment attached. Take your desires to God directly, because the pressure you put on your spouse often creates the exact opposite of what you want. When you're critical or judgmental, even subtly, your spouse withdraws further. When you create warmth and space, their appetite grows.

What Spiritual Connection Actually Produces

When spiritual connection is healthy, something real shifts. You start growing in knowing God together, and that produces a depth of emotional intimacy that is hard to replicate any other way. You become something together that neither of you is on your own. People around you notice. They can't always name what it is, but they see it.

There's also something that goes beyond the immediate. The things you build together in faith, the prayers you pray, the covenant you live out, have a reach that extends past the moment. God designed marriage. When a marriage reflects that design, the impact doesn't stay inside the house.

How to Build It Intentionally

Spiritual connection doesn't happen by accident. The seasons where Chad and I are most spiritually connected, we planned for them. We knew when we were praying together. We had a shared sense of what we were reading. We created margin in the schedule for these things to actually happen.

Three things make it sustainable: intentionality (you have to plan it), grace (you will read the same passage and come away with completely different takeaways, and that's actually evidence of a Word that is living and active), and margin (real connection doesn't happen in 60-second windows between tasks).

Spiritual dryness often shows up in painful seasons, and learning how to stay connected in marriage during hard times makes praying together feel possible again.

One more thing worth saying: most couples who have zero spiritual connection set their sights on a 10 out of 10 overnight. That's not realistic. What does a 2 or a 3 look like? Start there. Get some wins together. Then build.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Here's what we covered and what we want you to walk away with:

Individual faith is the foundation. You can't build a spiritual connection together if neither of you is growing individually. Come to that shared space with something to bring. Both of you growing toward God positions you to grow toward each other.
Mismatched expectations create quiet resentment. Have the conversation about what spiritual connection actually looks like for both of you in this season. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's marriage.
Weaponizing scripture shuts the door fast. If the Bible is being used to criticize, blame, or highlight where your spouse is falling short, they will stop wanting to engage. Deal with your own plank first.
Keeping score creates a debt no one can repay. The moment spiritual connection becomes a ledger, it stops being a connection. Someone is always on trial, and neither person wins.
Pressure makes people withdraw. If you want your spouse more engaged spiritually, the path forward is invitation and encouragement, not expectations and ultimatums. Warmth opens doors. Pressure closes them.
Spiritual connection requires intentionality, grace, and margin. It doesn't happen in the gaps of a busy week. Plan it, extend grace when you come away from the same scripture with different takeaways, and protect the time for it to breathe.
Start small. A 2 out of 10 beats a 0 out of 10 every time. Get some wins together first. Then build from there.

SCRIPTURE REFERENCES

These are the passages that connect to this episode's conversation:

Ecclesiastes 4:12

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." God at the center of your marriage is not a metaphor. It is structural. Two people growing toward God individually and together are genuinely harder to pull apart.

Matthew 7:3-5

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" There is always a verse that points to where your spouse is falling short. There is always one that points to you first. Spiritual connection begins when both people attend to the plank.

Colossians 3:16

"Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom." This is what spiritual connection looks like inside a household. The Word has a home in your marriage, not just in each person separately.

Joshua 24:15

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." The covenant to pursue God together is made as a household. That is the invitation of spiritual connection in marriage.

Your Next Step

If you've been wanting spiritual connection with your spouse for months or years, don't wait for the perfect moment. Pick one small rhythm this week - a short prayer in the afternoon, one verse over coffee - and celebrate the fact that you started.

Start by getting curious about your spouse and where they really are in their faith journey, not where you assume they are.

And if spiritual conversations keep stalling, or one of you feels further along than the other, that's one of the most common gaps we help couples close. Schedule a free consultation and we'll help you find a rhythm that fits the two of you.

Reflection Questions

When did you feel closest to God this week - and does your spouse know about that moment?
What feels most awkward about praying together? What would make it 1% easier?
When was the last time you asked your spouse what God is teaching them?
What's one small daily rhythm - an afternoon prayer, a shared verse, a one-line blessing - you'd both actually say yes to?
Is there anything you're doing (tone, timing, expectations) that makes spiritual connection harder for your spouse?

About the Authors

Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT

Sarah-Gayle holds a Master's in Marriage & Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University and has 15+ years of experience helping Christian couples build stronger, more connected marriages. She and her husband Chad have been married 20+ years and co-host the Hope Relentless podcast together.

Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister

Chad is an ordained minister with a Bachelor's in Sociology from UCLA and 15+ years of experience helping married couples find practical, lasting breakthrough. Together with Sarah-Gayle, he leads marriage workshops, teaches at local churches, and co-hosts the Hope Relentless Christian Marriage Podcast.

Should I Stay or Should I go?

Tue, 12 May 2026 14:04:13 GMT

Should I Stay or Go?

What to do when leaving looks like the easiest and best option.

A lot of couples reach a point where the question starts living in the back of their mind. Not spoken out loud, not brought up in a fight, just... there. Is this fixable? Would I be happier starting over? Is the grass greener on the other side?

Chad and Sarah-Gayle Galbreath sat down on the Hope Relentless Podcast to address this question directly. They are not talking about situations involving abuse, safety concerns, or infidelity where one partner has no interest in working things out. They are talking about marriages where trust has been broken, resentment has built up, and both people want to rebuild but are not sure how, and whether it is even worth trying.

If you have been wrestling with that question, this one is for you.

Listen to the Full Episode

This blog pulls from the Hope Relentless Podcast episode on resentment. Chad and Sarah-Gayle go deeper on each of these points, including personal stories and practical examples. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

The Myth of the Fresh Start

Before getting into the four things, there is one idea worth confronting head-on: the belief that starting over will be easier.

Sarah-Gayle cited the research on this. Second marriages fail at a rate of 60 to 67 percent . Third marriages fail at approximately 73 percent. With every subsequent marriage, the odds get worse, not better. She made the point clearly:

"We lose the aspect of newness in a relationship. Different hormones that link us together that get us excited about a new relationship... over a period of time, that starts to wane. Then what we're left with is exactly what Chad was speaking on. We're left with ourself. We're left with the reality of this person who was also very imperfect."

Chad added a second layer to this: you cannot outrun yourself.

"Whatever I was doing to contribute to the problems and to the hurt and to the broken trust in my current relationship, if I'm not doing work on myself, I'm going to do those same things in the next relationship. So the reality is I need to do work on myself no matter what. And so why not do the work on myself in the relationship I'm already in?"

One more thing worth noting: new relationships look nothing like real ones. Chad shared a story about a couple he was counseling who had separated and agreed to date other people. One of them was comparing an exciting new dating relationship, full of dinners, concerts, and weekend getaways, against the daily grind of co-parenting, bills, and shared responsibility. It was not even a fair comparison. At some point, every relationship becomes the day-to-day. The honeymoon feeling fades. The question is whether you have something real underneath it.

For many couples, the question isn't really about leaving it's about resentme nt that has been building for ye ars and has never been addressed.

Four Things to Consider Before You Decide

1. Use Your Mind to Find Solutions

Sarah-Gayle made a point that sounds simple but carries a lot of weight: if you are already thinking about an exit strategy, you are not solving the problem at full capacity.

She used the analogy of a runner preparing for a five-mile race who is told they can drop out at the one-mile mark if they get tired. That runner will train very differently than one who has no out. When Plan B is available, Plan A never gets everything you have got.

"When in our mind, we're thinking of creative solutions as far as how we can exit early, we're thinking of plan Bs. Then a lot of times when it gets hard... it gets a little hard, hey, I'm just going to exit because I have another plan that I can attend to."

When your mind is fully committed to working through the marriage, it will surface ideas, approaches, and possibilities you would never find otherwise. This is where they believe the Holy Spirit meets couples who are genuinely seeking God's best. Marriage is God's idea. What He has called you to, He has equipped you for.

2. Take Your Thoughts Captive

2 Corinthians 10:5 uses military language for a reason. Taking thoughts captive is not a passive process. It is intentional, aggressive, and urgent.

Chad pointed out how much of what we ingest shapes where our minds go:

"If we've got friends or family that are pushing or encouraging separation or divorce, or 'you're better without them,' that's gonna get inside our head and we're gonna start wondering that more and more."

One of the most practical things Chad shared: pray for your spouse, not about your spouse. There is a difference between telling God how difficult your spouse is and thanking God for them. The first sows resentment. The second shifts your posture.

Sarah-Gayle referenced Proverbs and the principle woven through all of Scripture: as a person thinks, so is he or she. What fills your mind shapes what fills your heart, which shapes what fills your marriage.

Both of them recommend Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer for anyone who struggles with a thought life that runs toward negativity and comparison.

3. Count the Cost Honestly

This step asks you to be honest in a way that most people avoid. Not just about the cost of staying, but about all the costs.

Chad framed it plainly:

"If my option is, for the next 30 years, you can be happily married or you can be married and miserable... if I'm going to be here anyway, why not be happy and married? Why not continue to plant and invest and prioritize this relationship so that we can both enjoy it as opposed to just suffer through it?"

He also raised the generational dimension. He and Sarah-Gayle have two sons. What those boys witness in their parents' marriage is more caught than taught. When couples hit a hard patch and fight through it, they hand their kids something: a living picture of what perseverance, forgiveness, and commitment actually look like in real life. That matters.

Sarah-Gayle added nuance here. Counting the cost also means being honest about the cost of staying without getting help . Remaining in a toxic, high-conflict environment without doing anything to change it carries its own damage, especially for children. The point is not to stay at all costs. The point is to count all the costs clearly, including what it costs to leave without first doing the work to see if the marriage can be rebuilt.

If betrayal is part of your story, it is possible to rebuild trust in your marriage , but it takes more than time alone.

4. Remember Your Why

Marriage in Scripture is not a contract. It is a covenant. Chad made the distinction clear and connected it to something practical: when your source is God rather than your spouse, you are not as vulnerable to comparison.

"We all have our own access to God. I believe that in different seasons, God will give us wisdom for the season of life that we are in. So if we just make comparisons to what our neighbors did, to what our aunts or uncles did, to what our friends did, we may miss out on part of what God has for us."

Sarah-Gayle closed with a reframe from author Gary Thomas:

"If God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? Because God is good, every good and perfect gift comes from Him. I really know that we will be happy and even... joy-filled when it comes to abiding and being in Christ."

No relationship pulls the flesh out of you like marriage does. It requires selflessness. It requires forgiving when you do not feel like it. It requires not being easily offended. And that process, as hard as it is, is exactly how God shapes us to look more like Christ. When you reframe a difficult season through that lens, it changes what you are willing to fight for.

Key Takeaways

Second marriages fail at 60-67%. Third marriages fail at around 73%. The idea that starting over will be easier is statistically not supported.
You take yourself into every new relationship. The personal work you need to do will be required no matter what, so consider doing it in the marriage you are already in.
Keeping an exit strategy in the back of your mind limits how much of yourself you invest in solutions. Full commitment unlocks full creativity.
What you feed your mind shapes your marriage. Monitor what you are listening to, who you are getting advice from, and what you are choosing to dwell on.
Count all the costs, including the cost of leaving without trying, and the cost of staying without seeking help.
Marriage is a covenant. When God is your source rather than your spouse, comparison loses its grip and you gain the wisdom to navigate your specific season.

Scripture References

Every verse referenced or alluded to in this episode.

2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Sarah-Gayle grounded the idea of taking thoughts captive in this verse. The military framing is intentional. This is an active, ongoing battle, not a casual suggestion.

Proverbs 23:7 "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." Referenced as an anchor for how much our thought life shapes the direction of our marriages. Chad and Sarah-Gayle return to this principle in nearly every conversation about relationship health.

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Sarah-Gayle used this to reframe difficulty in marriage. Hard seasons are not signs that something is wrong. They are the mechanism God uses to produce maturity.

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." A guide for what to fill your mind with when it starts drifting toward comparison or resentment.

Your Next Step

Start with one of the four. Just one.

Which of these is most out of reach for you right now: using your mind creatively to invest in the marriage, managing your thought life, getting an honest picture of all the costs, or reconnecting to the covenant and your why?

Wherever the gap is largest, that is where to start. Take one concrete step toward it this week.

If you find you want support in that process, Hope Relentless exists for exactly that. Reach out and let Chad and Sarah-Gayle come alongside you.

The grass is greener where you water it. Start watering.

Feeling stuck in the same recurring problems doesn't mean the marriage is over; it usually means the pattern has never been interrupted.

Reflection Questions

Work through these on your own first, then bring them to a conversation with your spouse.

For personal reflection:

Am I carrying a Plan B that is quietly limiting how much I invest in Plan A?
What am I feeding my mind with, and is it pulling me toward my marriage or away from it?
If I am being completely honest, what would it actually cost me to leave? What would it cost me to stay and get real help?

For conversation with your spouse:

Are there creative solutions we have never seriously tried because we have been keeping one foot out the door?
What does it look like for both of us to be fully committed to watering this marriage?
What would our marriage look like in five years if we invested in it the way it deserves?

About the Authors

Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT

Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister

How to Deal with Resentment in Marriage

Tue, 05 May 2026 13:44:34 GMT

How to Overcome Resentment in Your Marriage

Resentment rarely walks in through the front door. It slips in through the cracks. An expectation that never got voiced. A conversation that went sideways and never got resolved. A promise that kept getting broken. Over time, those cracks add up, and what started as hurt slowly hardens into something that quietly poisons everything.

Chad and Sarah-Gayle Galbreath sat down on the Hope Relentless Podcast to talk about resentment, where it comes from, what it actually costs, and how to get rid of it. If you or your spouse have felt that distance, that coldness, that low-grade bitterness you can not quite name, this is for you.

Listen to the Full Episode

Where Resentment Starts

Before you can address resentment, you need to see how it got in. Four entry points show up in marriages consistently.

Unspoken expectations. Chad put it plainly in the episode:

"Unhealthy expectations are the breeding ground of resentment. I mean the things that I have not shared, but I am still then withdrawing or withholding from Sarah-Gayle, or things where I am disappointed and hurt, and we have never even talked about those."

Expectations are not inherently bad. When they are communicated and agreed upon, they become shared values and vision. The dangerous ones are the silent ones. The standards you hold your spouse to without ever telling them.

Poor communication. Sarah-Gayle hears this from couples constantly. Many will not bring something up because they do not want to hurt their spouse's feelings. As she put it in the episode, that just tells her they do not know how. Communication is a learnable skill, and so is learning what to do when there is disagreement. Most couples never get that skill, and unresolved tension becomes the breeding ground for bitterness.

Pride. When pride is running the show, admitting a mistake feels like losing. Chad referenced Philippians 2:3 in this context: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourself." Pride shuts down ownership. No ownership means no repair. No repair means resentment takes root.

Lack of follow-through. When the same argument cycles back again and again with nothing changing, a hardness forms in the heart. Sarah-Gayle noted that it is often not even intentional. It is a failure to get into the details of what change actually looks like and who is accountable for making sure it happens.

Resentment often takes root when trust has been broken and never properly repaired.

Left unaddressed, resentment leaves many spouses quietly wondering whether to stay or go .

What Resentment Costs

Couples often minimize resentment. They treat it like a minor inconvenience, something to manage rather than something to eliminate. Chad pushed back on that framing:

"Resentment is incredibly expensive. If I'm harboring resentment, then likely I put my spouse in a box. And so now even as she is growing and moving towards me, I don't see it because resentment shakes my perspective to notice what is still missing."

That is one of the more destructive things resentment does. It locks your spouse in a version of who they used to be. They can grow, change, and move toward you, and you will not see it because resentment keeps your eyes fixed on the gap.

The second cost is obedience to Christ. Sarah-Gayle addressed this directly. When you harbor resentment, you start withholding, going cold, being short, and being indifferent. Scripture calls all of that sinful. It pulls you out of alignment with what God has called you to in your marriage. As she said on the podcast:

"Resentment is something that destroys; it steals from our marriage. And we don't have to exist with it present. God has so much more for us than to hold onto resentment."

God does not ask you to manage resentment. He asks you to eradicate it.

The Inside Game: Five Steps to Freedom

This is where most people want to skip ahead and focus on what their spouse needs to do. Resist that. Chad and Sarah-Gayle called this the "inside game" for a reason. All five of these steps start with you.

1. Rely on God

Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord." When God is your source, you stop treating your marriage like a transaction. You stop giving based on what you think your spouse deserves and start giving based on what God has called you to. Seek Him first. Ask Him to soften your heart and help you see your spouse the way He sees them.

2. Walk in Humility

Luke 6:41-42 asks why you focus on the speck in your spouse's eye while ignoring the plank in your own. Romans 3:23 reminds us that all have sinned and fallen short. You are not exempt from that. Humility is not about dismissing your pain. It is about being honest with yourself before you zoom in on your spouse.

Sarah-Gayle made a point that stuck: the moment you hold your spouse to a high standard, it is only a matter of time before you need that same grace extended back to you.

3. Choose Forgiveness

This is the one people resist the most. Chad walked through Matthew 18:21-22, where Peter asked Jesus if forgiving seven times was enough. Jesus said seventy-seven times. Not a ceiling. A posture.

Matthew 6:14-15 is equally direct: if you do not forgive others, your heavenly Father will not forgive you. This is not a casual suggestion. Forgiveness is not something you offer when your spouse has earned it. It is the standard Christ set, and following Him means living by it.

4. Assume the Best

Philippians 4:8 says to fix your mind on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and praiseworthy. Sarah-Gayle suggested an exercise: say that verse again, but insert your spouse's name. Whatever is true about them. Whatever is noble about them. When you are focused on their good, your default interpretation of their actions starts to shift. It protects your heart from the negative lens resentment wants to put on everything.

5. Seek Individual Counseling

Sometimes the hurt you are carrying did not start with your spouse. It started earlier, in your family of origin, and your spouse is simply the person who keeps pressing on a wound that was never healed. Individual counseling lets someone focus entirely on you, on why you react the way you do, and on strategies to help you show up in your marriage from a place of health rather than pain.

One important note: when you seek individual counseling, be upfront that your goal is to work on yourself, not to build a case against your spouse. The right counselor will keep that focus.

Your Next Step

Pick one of the five. Just one. You do not have to overhaul everything today. Ask yourself which of those steps would make the biggest difference right now, and take one concrete action toward it this week.

If you set a goal and find you cannot follow through, that is a signal. It is not a character flaw. It is a sign you would benefit from additional support, whether that is individual counseling, couples counseling, or both. Hope Relentless exists for exactly that. Reach out and let us come alongside you.

The way out starts with taking ownership of your part , even when your spouse contributed more to the wound.

You were not made to carry resentment. God has more for your marriage than this.

Key Takeaways

Resentment builds slowly through unspoken expectations, poor communication, pride, and repeated lack of follow-through.
Harboring resentment warps your perspective. You lock your spouse in an old version of themselves and miss their growth entirely.
Resentment pulls you into withholding, indifference, and coldness. Scripture calls those patterns sinful and they pull you out of alignment with God.
Overcoming resentment is an inside game. It starts with personal ownership, not waiting for your spouse to change first.
The five steps are: rely on God, walk in humility, choose forgiveness, assume the best, and seek individual counseling.
Forgiveness is not contingent on what your spouse deserves. It is the standard Christ set and the foundation of a healthy marriage.
God has more for your marriage than resentment. You do not have to carry it.

Scripture References

Every verse referenced in this episode, with full text.

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Anchor verse for the episode. Sarah-Gayle shared that after a hard conversation, she goes straight to God and asks Him to search her heart for anything harboring inside.

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves." Referenced in the context of pride as a root of resentment. Pride refuses to take ownership. Humility opens the door to repair.

Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." The foundation for relying on God. When God is your source, you stop keeping score with your spouse and start serving them as an act of worship.

Colossians 3:13 "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Chad cited this as the Christian standard for forgiveness. The same forgiveness we received from Christ is what we are called to extend.

Luke 6:41-42 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?" Sarah-Gayle used this to frame humility. Getting honest with yourself comes before focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong.

Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." A reminder that holding your spouse to a standard you cannot meet yourself is a setup for resentment. We all need grace.

Matthew 7:2 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Sarah-Gayle shared this verse as one that keeps her humble. The standard you hold your spouse to is the standard God will hold you to.

Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'" Not a quota. A posture. Jesus was describing a life oriented toward forgiveness, not one that calculates when it has given enough.

Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." One of the clearest and most direct statements in Scripture about forgiveness. Chad pointed out these are not casual suggestions. They are the terms of discipleship.

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Sarah-Gayle suggested inserting your spouse's name into this verse as a daily practice. Fixing your mind on what is good in them trains you to assume the best instead of bracing for the worst.

Reflection Questions

Start with these on your own, then bring them to a conversation with your spouse.

For personal reflection:

Which of the five inside-game steps feels most out of reach for you right now, and what does that reveal about where your heart is?
Is there a version of your spouse you are still seeing, one that is no longer accurate, because resentment has kept them in a box?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how freely do you extend forgiveness in your marriage, and what would it look like to move one step forward?

For conversation with your spouse:

Are there recurring arguments or hurts we keep circling back to without real resolution?
Is there an expectation one of us has been holding that we have never actually talked about?
What would our marriage look and feel like if resentment had no foothold in it?

About the Authors

Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT

Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister

How to Rebuild Trust in Marriage: Practical Steps When the Bond Is Broken

Tue, 28 Apr 2026 05:29:16 GMT

How to Rebuild Trust in Marriage: Practical Steps When the Bond Is Broken

Trust can break in a moment. Rebuilding it takes something different. Here's where to start.

Every couple who has sat across from us in a session has their own version of this story.

For some, trust broke in one defining moment. An affair. A lie that came to light. A secret that changed everything.

For others, it wasn't one thing. It was years of small moments adding up. A spouse who checked out. A partner who consistently chose work, friends, or anything else over the marriage. A slow drift that one day felt like a chasm.

Both are real. Both hurt. And both can be worked through.

We're Chad and Sarah-Gayle, Christian marriage coaches and hosts of the Hope Relentless podcast. We've been married 21 years, and in that time we've walked alongside hundreds of couples trying to find their way back to each other.

This post covers Part 1 of a two-part series on rebuilding trust. Today we're focusing on the steps you can take if you're the one who broke trust. Next week we'll cover the other side: how the person who was hurt can work through resentment and forgiveness.

Prefer to listen or watch rather than read?

Podcast provides an audio option, YouTube provides an option to watch.

Trust Breaks in More Ways Than You Think

We've coached couples through affairs, financial betrayal, and deep personal wounds. But some of the most painful situations we see involve a quieter kind of broken trust.

One client reached out after 20 years of marriage. She was done. She described years of feeling unseen, unheard, and unsupported while her husband did what he wanted. He spent time with his friends. He stayed focused on work. She kept the household running and raised the kids largely on her own.

When they came to us, something significant happened: the husband agreed with her. He didn't defend himself or explain it away. He said, yes, I wasn't there. I recognize I messed up.

That moment of ownership opened a door. It didn't fix 20 years overnight. But it cracked things open in a way that made rebuilding possible.

Trust can erode slowly, day after day, and still do just as much damage as a single catastrophic event. Whatever your situation looks like, the path forward starts in the same place.

It Starts with Personal Responsibility

This is the piece couples don't always want to hear, especially when one person feels clearly wronged. But rebuilding trust requires both people. The roles will look different depending on the situation, and we're focusing today specifically on the person who broke trust.

If you're the one who did the hurting, the single most powerful thing you can do is take full ownership without excuses. Not a partial apology that shifts blame. Not "I'm sorry you felt that way." Full, clear ownership of what happened.

That posture, taken seriously, is where rebuilding begins.

Invite God into It

We always encourage couples to bring God into the process from the start, not as an afterthought once human effort has stalled.

One of the most practical ways to do this: pray for your spouse, not about your spouse.

There's a difference. Praying about your spouse sounds like "God, show them what they need to change." Praying for your spouse sounds like "God, I thank you for my partner. Restore what's been broken. Soften both of our hearts."

One keeps you at the center. The other opens you up to something bigger.

God's heart is always restoration. We see it throughout Scripture. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). He didn't wait until we had our act together. Reconciliation was always the goal. We believe that same heart is available to marriages walking through their hardest seasons.

If trust has been broken in your marriage, the next step is learning how to deal with resentment in marriage we cover that in the next post in this series.

Step 1: Create a Weekly Trust Check-In

One of the most practical tools we give couples is a dedicated, structured time each week specifically focused on building and restoring trust.

Without this, trust becomes the topic that hijacks everything else. Couples find themselves in the middle of getting kids out the door, making dinner, or just winding down, and suddenly they're back in the middle of the hardest conversation in their marriage.

That pattern is exhausting, and it doesn't build anything.

A weekly check-in gives you a container. Fifteen minutes, once a week. The question is simple: "Is there anything I can do to keep building trust? Is there anything that happened this week that broke it?"

A few things to keep in mind when you sit down together:

Listen more than you talk. If your spouse shares something that hurt, don't defend or explain. Just acknowledge it. "I hear you. When I did that, it made you feel like I wasn't invested. I understand that." That acknowledgment alone builds trust.

Keep the focus forward. There's a real difference between check-ins that are solution-focused and ones that turn into a place to vent everything wrong with the marriage. Both have their place, but they're not the same conversation. If your check-ins consistently circle around blame and past wounds rather than next steps, that's often a sign individual counseling is needed alongside the couple work.

Celebrate what's working. Trust is being rebuilt in small moments every week. Name them. "I noticed you followed through on what you said. That meant something to me." Focus on what you want more of, not just what went wrong.

Call a timeout if needed. If a check-in starts to go sideways, it's okay to pause and reschedule. These conversations are supposed to create safety, not more damage.

Step 2: Let Your Yes Be Yes

Scripture puts it plainly: "Let your yes be yes and your no be no" (Matthew 5:37).

In the context of rebuilding trust, this is everything.

When you make a commitment in your weekly check-in, follow through. If you said you'd initiate prayer together every morning, initiate it. If you said you'd handle a specific responsibility, handle it.

And if you don't, own it immediately. Don't wait for your spouse to bring it up. "I told you I would do this. I didn't. That's on me. Here's what I'm going to do instead."

This kind of proactive ownership builds trust even in the moment of failure. It communicates that you see yourself clearly, that you take your word seriously, and that you're not waiting for permission to acknowledge a mistake.

We've seen couples start with one small daily commitment: praying together. That's it. One spouse initiates every day. Simple. Consistent. And when they come back and can say "we did it every day this week," something has shifted. They've practiced being people of their word with each other.

Trust is not built in the presence of perfection. Nobody rebuilds that way. It's built through the accumulation of small kept commitments, and in honest ownership when those commitments fall short.

How Long Does This Take?

Couples ask us this all the time. How long until trust is restored? How long do we have to keep doing this?

Honest answer: we don't know.

Broken trust leaves many spouses asking should I stay or should I go if that's where you are, start there.

It depends on what happened, how long the wound was there, and where both people are in the process. Some couples move quickly. Others need more time, and there is nothing wrong with that. Comparing your timeline to another couple's just creates pressure that doesn't serve anyone.

We've been married 21 years. At this point, rebuilding trust isn't a phase we're trying to get through. It's just how we try to live. We want to be trustworthy spouses indefinitely, not because we're in repair mode, but because that's what marriage is.

There is no finish line where you earn back trust and then coast. Being a person of your word is the standard, for both of you, for as long as you're in this marriage.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Here's what we covered and what we want you to walk away with:

Trust breaks in more than one way. Affairs get the most attention, but slow, consistent neglect erodes trust just as deeply. Both are real and both can be rebuilt.
Personal responsibility is the starting point. The person who broke trust has to take full ownership before rebuilding can begin. No excuses. No partial apologies.
Invite God into the process. Pray for your spouse, not about your spouse. One softens your heart. The other keeps you stuck.
A weekly check-in creates structure. Fifteen minutes a week, dedicated to trust, keeps the conversation from hijacking everything else in your marriage.
Your word is your integrity. Making and keeping small commitments is how trust is rebuilt over time. Consistency is the currency.
Trust is not built in the presence of perfection. When you fall short, own it immediately. That ownership itself is trust-building.

SCRIPTURE REFERENCES

These are the passages that connect to this episode's conversation:

Romans 5:8 - "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." God did not wait for us to be trustworthy. Restoration was always his posture. That same posture is available to your marriage.

Matthew 5:37 - "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.'" The standard for rebuilding trust is straightforward: do what you say. Consistency between your words and your actions is the foundation everything else is built on.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." When the path to rebuilding feels unclear, this is the posture. You don't have to have it all figured out. You have to keep showing up and trust God to direct the steps.

Lamentations 3:22-23 - "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning." Every morning is a fresh opportunity. Every day you show up differently is another brick laid in the foundation of rebuilt trust.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES

Start with these on your own. Then bring them to a conversation with your spouse.

For Personal Reflection:

If you're the one who broke trust, where have you been offering explanations instead of ownership? What would full accountability actually look like?
If you're the one who was hurt, is there a part of you that doesn't want your spouse to succeed at rebuilding? What might be underneath that?
When you pray about your marriage, are you praying for your spouse or about your spouse? What's the difference in how those two prayers feel?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how consistent are you between what you say you'll do and what you actually do? Where is the gap?

For Conversation with Your Spouse:

Is there something I've done, or failed to do, that you haven't fully told me because you weren't sure I could handle it? I want to hear it.
What's one small thing I could do this week that would help you feel more safe with me?
What does trust look like to you in practical terms? What am I doing when you feel it, and what am I doing when you don't?
Is there anything about how we're handling this right now that isn't working for you? What would feel safer?

Open-Ended Prompts to Sit With:

What is one commitment I've made to my spouse that I haven't followed through on? What's actually stopped me?
Am I approaching this process as something to endure until it's over, or as something I genuinely want for my marriage?
Where do I need God's help most in this season?

About the Authors

Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT

Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister

How Curiosity Saves Your Marriage

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 05:57:10 GMT

Curiosity Saves Your Marriage

You have lived with this person for years. You know their coffee order, their pet peeves, the face they make when they're pretending to be fine. And somewhere along the way, that familiarity quietly replaced curiosity. You stopped asking. They stopped sharing. Not because anything was wrong, exactly. Just because you thought you already knew.

That's how most marriages drift. Not with a blowup. With assumptions.

In this episode, we're talking about how to get that curiosity back, why it matters more than most couples realize, and how to make sure it feels like connection rather than cross-examination.

Prefer to listen or watch rather than read?

Podcast provides an audio option, YouTube provides an option to watch.

EPISODE SUMMARY

Most couples assume they know their spouse. That assumption is one of the quietest threats in a long marriage.

Nobody decides to stop being interested in the person they love. It just happens. Conversations stay surface-level. The questions stop. You're still talking, but you've stopped really listening. And if you've been married long enough, you've probably felt it: the sense that you're great partners in life but somehow not as close as you used to be.

That's what we're unpacking in this episode, and it comes down to one thing: curiosity.

Curiosity and Connection

When Chad and I work with couples, one of the first things we notice is how much familiarity has replaced curiosity. After 20-plus years of marriage, it's easy to assume you know what your spouse thinks, what they meant, or how they feel. But that assumption is the beginning of drift.

Curiosity is what keeps the conversation going past the surface. It's "tell me more about that" instead of moving on. It's "when that happened, what were you thinking?" instead of filling in the answer yourself. Those kinds of questions do two things at once: they draw your spouse out to share more, and they signal that you're still genuinely interested. That combination, being drawn out and feeling interesting to your partner, is the heartbeat of friendship inside a marriage.

Chad made a point that landed hard for us: so many couples, when we ask how they met and what drew them together, describe a friendship. There was something there beyond attraction. They enjoyed each other. They were curious about each other. And somewhere in the busyness of kids, careers, and building a life, that curiosity faded. Getting it back isn't as complicated as it might feel. It starts with a question.

Curiosity and Communication

Curiosity also does something powerful when conversations get hard. It reduces defensiveness.

Chad is honest that one of his own patterns, what the Gottman Institute would call one of the Four Horsemen, is defensiveness. When Sarah-Gayle shares something difficult, his instinct is to explain, justify, or excuse. But when he replaces that impulse with curiosity, the conversation changes. It stops being about him. It stays with Sarah-Gayle. And she gets to keep sharing.

Sarah-Gayle puts it this way: the more confused or reactive you feel in a conversation, the stronger the signal to get curious. That confusion is a cue, not a call to push back. Because here's the thing: you already know what you think. The goal of the conversation is to understand what your spouse thinks, where they're coming from, and what they're actually saying.

She uses an example she gives couples in sessions: "There's a dinosaur in my office." When clients hear that, some get confused, some get defensive. They say, "Dinosaurs are extinct. That's not right." But the ones who are practicing curiosity say, "It sounds like you're saying there's a dinosaur in your office. Is that right?" And when they stay curious, Sarah-Gayle eventually tells them: it's a stuffed animal on her couch.

If they had shut her down at the first moment of confusion, they would have never gotten to the truth of what she was saying. That's what happens in marriages every day. We cut off our spouse before we understand them, and then we wonder why they stop sharing.

Curiosity is also the doorway to deeper spiritual connection in marriage .

What Curiosity Isn't

There's a version of curiosity that doesn't feel like interest. It feels like an interrogation.

Sarah-Gayle had a wife in a session who said she didn't want her husband to be curious because when he asked questions, she felt like she had to prove herself. He would jump from question to question without ever pausing to acknowledge what she said. She couldn't think. She felt attacked.

The difference between curiosity that connects and curiosity that corners often comes down to a few things.

Validation before questions.

The word "why" by itself can feel like a verdict. "Why did you do that?" lands very differently than first acknowledging what your spouse said and then asking a follow-up. Validation before any question, just a simple "I hear you saying..." or "It sounds like...," tells your spouse they've been heard before anything else happens. That lowers defenses and opens the door. Without it, even a well-intentioned question can feel like a challenge.

Tone.

Chad shared something he'd sent Sarah-Gayle about tone: if your voice is calm, you can ask almost anything and it will land okay. The same question said gently and said sharply creates completely different outcomes. When working with couples, one word that often comes up from wives is that they want conversations to feel more gentle. Tone is the delivery system for everything else.

A check-in.

Before jumping into a question, checking in first matters. "Can I ask you something?" isn't walking on eggshells. It's courtesy. It signals that you know the other person is speaking and you're not going to bulldoze the conversation with your own agenda. It also helps keep track of who has the floor, which makes the whole conversation cleaner.

Reassurance.

Sarah-Gayle said reassurance is like a commission multiplier in sales. Every conversation gets better when you add it. "I'm asking because I care about you" or "I'm committed to this" reframes the question before it's even fully asked. It makes clear that the point isn't to win or to catch your spouse in something. The point is connection.

Personal Responsibility in the Middle of It

There's a gap that can exist between couples in hard conversations. And the fastest way to close it is when both people take personal responsibility for closing it.

If you're the one asking questions and your spouse gets defensive, the instinct is to point that out. But the more helpful question is: what can I take ownership of that helps my spouse feel safer? Take one step toward them. And when your spouse does the same, choosing not to assume the worst and not to jump to conclusions, both of you move toward each other at once.

That's how the gap closes. Not by one person being perfect at curiosity. By both people taking responsibility for the space between them.

What You Need for Curiosity to Work

Curiosity requires margin. Real connection needs time, not a 60-second window between tasks.

One of the most powerful things you can offer your spouse is the sense that you have nowhere else to be. That there's no rush. That they don't have to compress what they're feeling into a quick summary before you move on. That kind of presence is what makes a conversation feel like it actually mattered.

Schedule some time this week. Pull up the reflection questions below. Practice the things we talked about. Curiosity is a skill, and the more you use it, the more your marriage stays alive to what's still being discovered.

Curiosity matters most when life is heavy. Here's how to stay connected during hard times .

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Here's what we covered and what we want you to walk away with:

Familiarity is a silent threat to connection. Long marriages don't drift because of big blowups. They drift because of assumptions. Curiosity is the correction.
Curiosity signals interest. When you ask a genuine follow-up question, your spouse hears: I'm still interested in you. That's more powerful than most couples realize.
Curiosity reduces defensiveness. Replacing your instinct to explain or push back with a genuine question keeps the conversation safe and moving forward.
Validation before questions is the key. Acknowledging what your spouse said before asking anything changes the entire tone of the exchange.
Tone is everything. The same question asked gently or sharply creates completely different outcomes. Gentleness is not weakness. It's skill.
Curiosity is a skill you build. Schedule the time. Use the questions. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes, and the more your marriage reflects it.

SCRIPTURE REFERENCES

These are the passages that connect to this episode's conversation:

Proverbs 20:5 — "The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." Your spouse has more going on inside than what surfaces in small talk. Curiosity is what draws it out.

James 1:19 — "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." This verse is a blueprint for how curiosity should feel: listening first, speaking second, reactions last.

Philippians 2:3-4 — "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Curiosity is humility in action. It says: you matter more than my need to be right.

Proverbs 18:2 — "Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions." Genuine curiosity requires we prioritize understanding over being understood.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES

Start with these on your own. Then bring them to a conversation with your spouse.

For Personal Reflection:

When did you last ask your spouse a question you didn't think you knew the answer to? What does that tell you?
Is there an area where you've been assuming instead of asking, filling in the blanks rather than letting your spouse speak?
Think about the last time a conversation went sideways. What would curiosity have changed?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how emotionally safe does your spouse feel sharing with you? What's one thing you could change?

For Conversation with Your Spouse:

Is there something you've wanted to share but haven't, because you weren't sure how I'd respond? I want to hear it.
What's one area where you feel like I've been assuming instead of asking? Help me understand what's true.
What would it look like to have a conversation where we both stayed curious the whole way through?
What's one question you wish I asked you more often?

Open-Ended Questions to Practice:

What's been on your mind lately that we haven't had a chance to talk about?
Is there something you're working through right now that I don't know about?
What's something you're looking forward to in the next few months?
How are you really doing, not the short answer, but really?
What's one thing I could do this week that would mean a lot to you?

Want to go deeper?

We work with couples one-on-one to build communication and connection that lasts. If this episode stirred something up and you want help working through it, we'd love to talk.

About the Authors

Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT

Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister

When Life Hits One of You Harder: How to Stay Connected When You're Not Impacted the Same Way

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 23:54:29 GMT

When Life Hits One of You Harder: How to Stay Connected When You're Not Impacted the Same Way

A couple , Sarah-Gayle has been working with recently. They're an interracial couple. With everything happening in the United States right now, one spouse is struggling. She's fearful about her personal safety. Anxious about walking into a grocery store. Overwhelmed by what she sees as a real and present threat.

Her husband doesn't share the same fear. He finds it hard to understand. He thinks it's a little irrational.

They love each other. That was never the question.

In this episode of the Hope Relentless podcast , Chad and Sarah-Gayle tackle one of the most common, least talked about sources of marital disconnect: what do you do when a situation, a fear, or a cultural moment hits one of you in ways the other simply doesn't feel?

This episode is about what actually helps.

Prefer to listen or watch rather than read?

Podcast provides an audio option, YouTube provides an option to watch.

In this episode, we cover:

Why the same event hits two people in a marriage completely differently — and why that’s not a problem to solve
Two foundational mindsets that change how every hard conversation starts
The validation framework Chad and Sarah-Gayle use with couples (and in their own marriage)
Why opening a hard conversation with prayer shifts the entire dynamic
How to manage your personal consumption before it damages your connection
The internal work you need to do before bringing a hard topic to your spouse

The Problem Is Real. And It's Not About Love.

The couple Sarah-Gayle is working with loves each other deeply. Love was never the issue. The issue is that they're living in the same marriage, with the same news cycle, and experiencing two completely different realities. One is scared. One doesn't understand the fear.

This shows up in all kinds of marriages. Not just across cultural lines. It shows up when one spouse loses a parent, and the other feels helpless. When one feels called to a career change, and the other worries about security. When a political season hits one person's identity in ways the other simply can't feel.

The most dangerous response is the quiet one. One spouse decides the other's experience doesn't make sense and pulls back. Two people can share a home for years while slowly losing each other.

So much of weathering different storms comes down to the individual health you each bring to the marriage .

Two Mindsets Before the Conversation Even Starts

Before any practical tools, Chad and Sarah-Gayle teach two foundational mindsets that change the entire shape of a hard conversation.

The first is we are on the same team . If one spouse is struggling, overwhelmed, or fearful, the other doesn’t get to wash their hands of it. Being on the same team means showing up even when you don’t fully understand what your spouse is experiencing.

The second is communication is about connection . In hard conversations, it’s easy to start debating accuracy: definitions, facts, whether a fear is objectively rational. Words matter, yes. But using accuracy to erode connection is a losing strategy. The goal is to understand your spouse and feel understood.

These two mindsets, held together before a conversation starts, change everything about how it goes.

The Validation Framework That Actually Works

One practical tool Chad and Sarah-Gayle consistently use: the “both and” approach to validation.

Validation doesn’t mean agreement. It doesn’t even require full understanding. It means creating space for both spouses’ experiences to exist at the same time. Honoring what your spouse is saying before you respond.

A simple phrase that works: “What I hear you saying is _____. Is that correct?”

That last piece, “is that correct?”, opens a safe bridge for clarification. Sometimes your spouse will hear your summary and want to adjust a word. Sometimes you missed part of it, and they can fill in the gap. Either way, it signals you’re genuinely trying to understand them, not waiting for your turn to respond.

One more reminder: keep sharing bite-sized. The longer someone talks, the less their partner absorbs. Check in as you go: “Am I following you correctly?” Then move forward together.

If you're wondering why staying silent feels easier than speaking up, read Christian Marriage Communication: Why Hiding Your Struggles Is Costing You.

Three More Anchors for These Conversations

Pray Together

Open or close the hard conversation with prayer. Ask God to soften your hearts and open your minds. That single act shifts the goal from proving a point to understanding a person. It moves both spouses toward humility before a word is spoken.

Celebrate What Goes Well

Philippians 4:8 says to fix your mind on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Proverbs 23:7 reminds us we become what we think about. When a hard conversation goes well, even partially, stop and acknowledge it. Those celebrated moments become the foundation for the next conversation.

Own Your Consumption

Chad asks a direct question when he notices his consumption affecting how he shows up: Is what I’m consuming helping me love my wife well, love my kids well, love my neighbors well? Or is it leaving me frustrated, agitated, and withdrawn? If consumption is producing the fruit of the Spirit, keep going. If it’s producing division and resentment, at least pause.

A Word From Scripture

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.” — Philippians 4:8

Read alongside Proverbs 23:7 (“as a man or woman thinks, so is he or she”) the principle is clear: what you fill your mind with shapes not just how you see the world, but how you show up in your marriage. When navigating a topic that hits one of you differently, choosing to focus on what’s working is a spiritual discipline. It produces more of what you need.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

Unequal impact doesn’t mean one person is wrong. Both spouses’ experiences deserve space in the marriage.
The “same team” mindset and “communication is about connection” mindset change everything about how hard conversations start.
Validation isn’t agreement. Use “What I hear you saying is ___. Is that correct?” as a safe bridge.
Keep sharing bite-sized. Check in as you go so both spouses stay engaged and tracking.
Pray together before or after hard conversations. It shifts the entire orientation.
Own your personal consumption. What you fill up on, you bring into your marriage.
Do the internal work first. Know what you need before you bring it to your spouse.

Reflection Questions For You and Your Spouse

Is there a topic between us that one person feels more deeply about? Are we creating space for both of our experiences, or does one voice tend to get louder?
When your spouse shares something that feels irrational to you, is your first instinct to correct them or to get curious?
What are you currently consuming, and is it making you easier or harder to be married to?
Can you name one recent conversation that went well, even partially? What made it work?

If this episode hit close to home, you don't have to navigate this season alone. Chad and Sarah-Gayle work with couples facing grief, disconnection, miscommunication, emotional distance, and the weight of starting over. Book a free consultation and let's talk about where you are and what's possible for your marriage.

For more on navigating seasons where you keep missing each other, read How to Stay Connected in Marriage During Hard Times

If any part of this resonated, pay attention to that. Drift doesn't announce itself. It gets quieter until the distance starts to feel normal. The free consultation is one honest conversation, 30 minutes to get clear on where you are and what your marriage actually needs right now. No commitment required.

About the Authors

Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT

Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister

How to Stay Connected in Marriage During Hard Times

Wed, 08 Apr 2026 17:04:39 GMT

How to Stay Connected in Marriage During Hard Times

Christian Marriage Grief & Loss

Four months into their marriage, Sarah-Gayle got a phone call that changed everything. Her brother died. She cried every day for over a year. And Chad, not wanting to add to her burden, quietly shut down his own needs and emotions.

That's how emotional drift starts. Not with a blowup. With silence.

In this episode of the Hope Relentless podcast , Chad and Sarah-Gayle open up about how to stay connected in marriage during hard times: grief, business failure, and the seasons where they kept missing each other. Here's what helped, what didn't, and four anchors that held their marriage together when life fell apart.

Prefer to listen or watch rather than read?

Podcast provides an audio option, YouTube provides an option to watch.

In this episode, we cover:

Why suppressing your own needs to 'protect' your spouse quietly disconnects you both
How three family losses in five years tested Sarah-Gayle's faith and their marriage
What happened when the business failed, and they had to start over in a new city
The 'both and' mindset that creates space for both spouses in hard seasons
Four anchors that held their marriage together: community, personal faith, forgiveness, and service

The Comparison Trap: When One Person's Pain Silences the Other

When Sarah-Gayle lost her brother four months into their marriage, Chad made a quiet decision. His frustrations didn't seem to matter compared to what she was navigating. So he stopped bringing them up. Stopped sharing. Started suppressing.

It felt like a sacrifice. Over time, it became drift.

Chad and Sarah-Gayle call this the comparison trap. It's the moment one spouse decides their needs aren't worth mentioning because the other person's pain seems bigger. The problem is that comparison doesn't protect the grieving spouse. It just silences the other one. Two people can share a home for years while slowly losing each other emotionally.

The phrase they use now with couples is the 'both and.' Both spouses matter. Both experiences deserve space. You don't have to wait for the grief to lift before your voice gets to exist in the marriage.

If your spouse is going through something heavy right now, ask yourself: Am I still fully in this marriage, or have I quietly become support staff?

The comparison trap doesn't only show up in grief. It shows up in financial hardship, when one spouse decides their stress about money doesn't count compared to how hard the other is working. It shows up in parenting seasons, when one person is running on empty but decides their exhaustion doesn't matter because the other one looks more tired. It shows up after a health crisis, a career loss, a miscarriage, a prodigal child.

The form changes. The dynamic is the same. One person goes quiet to make room for the other, and slowly, both people end up alone. What makes the comparison trap stubborn is that it doesn't feel like a mistake when you're in it. It feels like love. Choosing not to burden your spouse with your needs, in a season when they're already carrying so much, feels like the kind thing to do.

A marriage where one person has no voice isn't a protected marriage. It's an unbalanced one. And unbalanced things eventually fall.

The "both and" isn't a technique. It's a posture. It's deciding together that this marriage has room for two people, even in the seasons when one person's pain takes up more space. It doesn't mean forcing equal airtime. It means neither spouse disappears.

In practice it often starts with one question, asked genuinely: "How are you doing in all of this?" Not as a formality. As a real invitation for the spouse who has gone quiet to come back.

When Life Hits One of You Harder goes deeper on what to do when one spouse carries more weight than the other.

When Grief Stacks: The Faith Crisis That Comes With It

Sarah-Gayle didn't lose one person. Within five to seven years, she lost her brother, her mother, and her sister. Each loss arrived before the last one was fully processed.

And in the middle of all of it, she was wrestling with a harder question than most couples ever talk about: Is God still good?

She had been believing for her brother's healing. She had a picture of his future in her mind. When he died, it wasn't just grief. It was a faith crisis. And that kind of crisis doesn't just affect the grieving spouse. It ripples through the entire marriage.

What pulled her through wasn't a perfect theological answer. It was a decision. She raised her hands in worship after her brother died, choosing to hold God at his word: 'give thanks in all things,' not because circumstances proved his goodness, but because she resolved to anchor her faith there. That conviction carried her through the next two losses as well.

If your marriage looks fine on the outside but feels stuck on the inside, Christian Marriage Communication: Why Hiding Your Struggles Is Costing You speaks directly to that.

How to Stay Connected in Marriage When You Keep Missing Each Other

Around years 10 to 12, Chad and Sarah-Gayle closed a business they had poured everything into and moved from Los Angeles to Arizona to start over. New city. New jobs. No roadmap.

That's when they kept missing each other. Sarah-Gayle needed encouragement and emotional presence. Chad needed her to lock in and push forward with him. She wanted him to solve the problem. He wanted her to meet him in the resolve. Neither of them was wrong. But they kept showing up to the same marriage expecting completely different things.

Chad remembers praying during that season and feeling a very clear challenge from God: You'll find a way to justify whatever you want to justify. So which direction do you want to look?

That shift, from blame to asking 'how am I contributing to the solution?' is where things began to change. Not overnight. There were hurtful words along the way. But forgiveness created a clean slate, and a clean slate made it possible to start rebuilding.

One pattern they see consistently in the couples they work with: resentment that builds when spouses feel unseen in a hard season. Forgiveness isn't passive. It's a decision to trust God with the healing and refuse to let the pile keep stacking.

Four Anchors That Hold a Marriage Together in Hard Seasons

Chad and Sarah-Gayle close the episode with four things that sustained their marriage across grief, business failure, and the weight of starting over. These aren't theories. They're the things that actually worked.

1. Community / Local Church

They were already planted in a local church in LA, not as spectators, but as people who had served and built real relationships. When the losses came, people brought food, prayed with them, and showed up. Community didn't replace God in their story, but it was the hands and feet of his grace in tangible form.

The keyword is planted. Not attending. Not visiting. Planted, with roots deep enough that when the storm hit, the community was already there. Most couples we work with who feel alone in a hard season have the same story underneath: they had been circling the church rather than actually connecting in it.

Showing up on Sundays but never joining a small group, never serving, never letting anyone in close enough to know what was actually happening at home. Community only shows up for you when it knows you. That kind of belonging gets built slowly, in the ordinary seasons, so it's there when the hard ones arrive.

If your marriage is struggling right now and you feel isolated, ask yourself honestly: have we actually let anyone in, or have we been protecting an image? Real community requires real vulnerability. And real vulnerability is exactly what most couples avoid until they're desperate. Stop performing for your church community and start building within it. The roots you put down today are what hold you when the ground shifts.

2. Personal Relationship with God

Separate from church attendance, both Chad and Sarah-Gayle had individual faith lives that continued to grow even during the hard seasons. That's where the 'both and' insight came from. That's where the conviction about God's goodness took hold. Individual faith sustained the marriage even when the marriage was struggling.

There's a difference between going to church and actually walking with God. Both matter, but they're not the same thing. Community can carry you through a hard season. Personal faith is what grows you through it. For Chad and Sarah-Gayle, the "both and" insight didn't come from a counseling session or a conversation with a friend. It came from time alone with God. So did the conviction that he was still good even when the outcomes didn't match the prayers.

What this looks like in practice varies from person to person. For some, it's daily Scripture. For others, it's journaling, prayer walks, or worship. The format matters less than the consistency. A marriage under pressure needs two people who are each drawing from something deeper than the relationship itself. If you're leaning entirely on your spouse to be your spiritual anchor, that's too much weight for one person to carry. Your personal relationship with God is not a supplement to your marriage. It's a foundation under it.

For us, praying together through hard seasons became the anchor that held everything else.

3. Forgiveness

Hurt people hurt people. They say it plainly. In survival mode, couples wound each other. Forgiveness wasn't the absence of pain. It was the decision not to let resentment stack. It's difficult to forgive a spouse when you don't first recognize how much you've already been forgiven yourself.

Survival mode has a cost. When couples are under enough pressure, they say things that land hard. They withdraw at the wrong moment. They push when their spouse needs space, or disappear when their spouse needs presence. Nobody is at their best in a crisis. Most couples acknowledge the wounding. What trips them up is what they do with it afterward. Every unaddressed offense gets filed away. And over time, that pile becomes the lens through which your spouse sees everything you do.

Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the hurt didn't happen. It means deciding not to keep adding it to the case against your spouse. It means trusting God with the healing rather than keeping score yourself. The hardest part for most people isn't forgiving. It's feeling justified in not forgiving. The offense was real. The pain is real. But resentment held onto long enough becomes a wall, and walls don't just keep your spouse out. They keep you in.

If forgiveness feels impossible right now, start here: you have been forgiven more than you have been hurt. Let that be the ground you stand on.

4. Serving Each Other

Even in the hardest seasons, choosing to serve the other person created the bridge back to connection. Service is what turns individual faith into relational repair. It's the move that says 'I still choose you' even when the feelings aren't there yet.

Most couples wait to feel connected before they start acting like it. Service flips that. You act your way into a feeling, not feel your way into an action. In the hard seasons, serving your spouse rarely looks dramatic. It's making the coffee before they ask. It's taking something off their plate without being told. It's sitting with them in a hard moment instead of trying to fix it. Small, deliberate choices that say "I still see you" when everything else is loud.

The hard part is that difficult seasons are usually when both spouses feel the most depleted. You're running low yourself. Serving when you have nothing left feels impossible, or at best, unfair. Chad and Sarah-Gayle didn't serve each other because they had plenty to give. They served each other as a decision, before the feelings caught up. The connection didn't come first and produce the service. The service came first and eventually rebuilt the connection.

You don't wait until you feel close to start choosing your spouse. You choose your spouse until you feel close again.

What Scripture Says About Marriage in Hard Seasons

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." — Romans 8:28

This verse isn't a promise that painful things won't happen. It's an anchor for when they do. Sarah-Gayle returned to this truth repeatedly through three losses: brother, mother, sister. Even when the outcome didn't match what she had prayed for, she chose to trust that God was working something she couldn't fully see yet. That conviction didn't come from a moment of easy belief. It was forged in real grief.

Key Takeaways: How to Stay Connected in Marriage During Hard Seasons

Comparison quietly disconnects couples. Both spouses' needs matter, even in a season of grief.
A faith crisis is often just as disruptive to a marriage as the loss itself. Name it, don't avoid it.
Staying connected during hard times starts with asking how you're contributing to the solution, not just what your spouse is getting wrong.
Forgiveness isn't optional in hard seasons. It's what prevents resentment from becoming a permanent wall.
Community, personal faith, forgiveness, and service are the four anchors that hold a marriage together when life falls apart.

Reflection Questions for Couples Going Through Hard Times

Is there something one of us has been holding back to protect the other? Is there space for both of us to be honest right now?
In our current hard season, are we fighting against each other or alongside each other?
Which of the four anchors (community, personal faith, forgiveness, or serving each other) feels weakest in our marriage right now?

If this episode hit close to home, you don't have to navigate this season alone. Chad and Sarah-Gayle work with couples facing grief, disconnection, and the weight of starting over. Book a free consultation and let's talk about where you are and what's possible for your marriage.

About the Authors

Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT

Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister

Christian Marriage Communication: Why Hiding Your Struggles Is Costing You

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 22:56:45 GMT

Christian Marriage Communication Why Hiding is Costing You

Most Christian couples we meet are doing exactly what you might be doing right now — keeping it together in public and managing the tension at home . You're not hiding because you don't care. You're hiding because you feel like you're supposed to have it figured out. If you've been leading a ministry, running a business, or just being the person your friends look to — and your marriage has been quietly struggling behind the scenes — this episode is for you.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, we're talking about something that doesn't get said enough in Christian circles: struggling in your marriage doesn't mean your faith is weak. One does not equal the other.

We know this firsthand. When Chad and I met, his opening line was inviting me to church — so faith was part of our relationship from day one. We served together in youth ministry, got married, joined the staff of a local church, and were leading a team of 30-40 volunteers and a ministry of a couple of hundred students.

And our Christian marriage communication? A mess. We were having real arguments at home, managing real tension, and feeling this quiet weight of shame about it — because we were supposed to be setting the example.

Nobody called us out. So we kept pushing through instead of getting help. And the communication didn't get better.

That pattern is what we see over and over in the couples we work with now. Business leaders. Senior pastors. Ministry directors. People who are excellent at what they do professionally, carrying a private weight at home that nobody around them knows about. They give advice, they lead, they preach — and simultaneously feel like something's off because their marriage doesn't match what they're communicating publicly.

One of the men we worked with was part of the executive leadership at a local church. He and his wife were sleeping in different rooms. He'd go into work and feel it all day. The weight wasn't coming from pursuing health — it was coming from protecting an image. That's the difference. And choosing image over health is exhausting.

Here's what scripture actually says about getting help. In Proverbs 15:22, plans fail without counsel, but with many advisors they succeed. Proverbs 11:14 says where there's no guidance, people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 19:20 tells us to listen to advice and accept instruction so we can gain wisdom. Counsel isn't a modern therapy concept — it's woven through the whole of scripture.

Bringing struggles into the light is the first step toward bu ilding real spi ritual intimacy as a couple.

And here's the piece that matters most: there is no condemnation in Christ. Because we're righteous in Him, we don't have to walk around in shame about where our marriage is right now. Shame keeps things in the dark. Bringing things into the light is where healing has the chance to begin.

There's also something worth saying about what the people around you already notice. We think that if nobody calls us out, nobody noticed. But you can tell when a couple is tender versus cold. Your kids pick it up. Your closest friends feel it. People who look to you as a leader sense it. Projecting health when the reality is different doesn't work as well as we hope.

The Holy Spirit is already showing you where there's more for your marriage. That quiet sense that something's off isn't condemnation — it's an invitation. Marriage is meant to reflect Christ and his church, and that reflection is worth protecting. Not by hiding what's broken, but by taking it to the light where it can actually heal.

Wherever you are today, you can't go back — but you can make a decision to take a step. Whether that's clearing time for consistent date nights, reaching out for couples counseling, or simply having an honest conversation with your spouse. Your marriage matters. And there's a lot of qualified people who'd love to come alongside you in this season.

Honesty starts with personal responsibility in marriage , owning what's true about you first.

Key Takeaways

Here's what we covered and what we want you to walk away with:

Struggling in your marriage doesn't equal weak faith. These are separate things. High-capacity, deeply committed Christians struggle in marriage. That's not a faith failure — it's an invitation to grow.
Shame keeps you stuck. Scripture doesn't call you to manage the appearance of health. It calls you to pursue real health. There's no condemnation in Christ — that's a foundation, not a platitude.
Counsel is biblical. Proverbs 15:22, 11:14, and 19:20 all say the same thing: wisdom comes through getting help. This isn't weakness — it's what God prescribes.
Projecting an image over health is costly. The people closest to you — your kids, your friends, your team — can already sense something's off. The gap between what you project and what you're living takes a real toll.
A step toward health is a step of leadership. When you pursue christian marriage communication and growth, you give the people who look to you permission to do the same. Humility is contagious.

Scripture References

These are the passages we referenced or that connect to this episode's conversation:

Proverbs 15:22 — "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed."
Getting help isn't optional — it's how plans actually work.

Proverbs 11:14 — "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."
Safety comes from counsel, not from hiding.

Proverbs 19:20 — "Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future."
Wisdom is the goal. Counsel is the path.

Romans 8:1 — "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
The shame you're carrying isn't from God.

Ephesians 5:25-33 — Marriage as a reflection of Christ and the church. It's meant to tell a story — one worth protecting and investing in.

Philippians 4:13 — "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
Including having the courage to bring your marriage into the light.

Reflection Questions for Couples:

Grab some coffee, sit down together, and talk through these:

1. Is there an area in your marriage that you've been managing privately instead of bringing into the light? What's kept you from asking for help

2. Are you more committed to projecting health in your marriage, or pursuing it? What does that difference look like in your day-to-day life?

3. The people closest to you — your kids, your team, your closest friends — can they tell something's off? What would it mean to stop managing the perception and start doing the work?

4. What's one practical step you could take this week toward your marriage? Clearing your calendar for a real date night? Reaching out to a counselor? Having a conversation you've been avoiding?

Additional Episodes:

How to Stay Connected During Hard Times

When Lif e Hits One of You Harder

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