How to Stay Connected in Marriage During Hard Times
Christian Marriage Grief & Loss
Four months into their marriage, Sarah-Gayle got a phone call that changed everything. Her brother died. She cried every day for over a year. And Chad, not wanting to add to her burden, quietly shut down his own needs and emotions.
That's how emotional drift starts. Not with a blowup. With silence.
In this episode of the
Hope Relentless podcast, Chad and Sarah-Gayle open up about how to stay connected in marriage during hard times: grief, business failure, and the seasons where they kept missing each other. Here's what helped, what didn't, and four anchors that held their marriage together when life fell apart.
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In this episode, we cover:
- Why suppressing your own needs to 'protect' your spouse quietly disconnects you both
- How three family losses in five years tested Sarah-Gayle's faith and their marriage
- What happened when the business failed, and they had to start over in a new city
- The 'both and' mindset that creates space for both spouses in hard seasons
- Four anchors that held their marriage together: community, personal faith, forgiveness, and service
The Comparison Trap: When One Person's Pain Silences the Other
When Sarah-Gayle lost her brother four months into their marriage, Chad made a quiet decision. His frustrations didn't seem to matter compared to what she was navigating. So he stopped bringing them up. Stopped sharing. Started suppressing.
It felt like a sacrifice. Over time, it became drift.
Chad and Sarah-Gayle call this the comparison trap. It's the moment one spouse decides their needs aren't worth mentioning because the other person's pain seems bigger. The problem is that comparison doesn't protect the grieving spouse. It just silences the other one. Two people can share a home for years while slowly losing each other emotionally.
The phrase they use now with couples is the 'both and.' Both spouses matter. Both experiences deserve space. You don't have to wait for the grief to lift before your voice gets to exist in the marriage.
If your spouse is going through something heavy right now, ask yourself: Am I still fully in this marriage, or have I quietly become support staff?
"Comparison is going to elevate one person and push somebody else down. We both matter. Our voices, our experiences — finding that 'both and.'"
- Chad Galbreath
When Grief Stacks: The Faith Crisis That Comes With It
Sarah-Gayle didn't lose one person. Within five to seven years, she lost her brother, her mother, and her sister. Each loss arrived before the last one was fully processed.
And in the middle of all of it, she was wrestling with a harder question than most couples ever talk about: Is God still good?
She had been believing for her brother's healing. She had a picture of his future in her mind. When he died, it wasn't just grief. It was a faith crisis. And that kind of crisis doesn't just affect the grieving spouse. It ripples through the entire marriage.
What pulled her through wasn't a perfect theological answer. It was a decision. She raised her hands in worship after her brother died, choosing to hold God at his word: 'give thanks in all things,' not because circumstances proved his goodness, but because she resolved to anchor her faith there. That conviction carried her through the next two losses as well.
How to Stay Connected in Marriage When You Keep Missing Each Other
Around years 10 to 12, Chad and Sarah-Gayle closed a business they had poured everything into and moved from Los Angeles to Arizona to start over. New city. New jobs. No roadmap.
That's when they kept missing each other. Sarah-Gayle needed encouragement and emotional presence. Chad needed her to lock in and push forward with him. She wanted him to solve the problem. He wanted her to meet him in the resolve. Neither of them was wrong. But they kept showing up to the same marriage expecting completely different things.
Chad remembers praying during that season and feeling a very clear challenge from God: You'll find a way to justify whatever you want to justify. So which direction do you want to look?
That shift, from blame to asking 'how am I contributing to the solution?' is where things began to change. Not overnight. There were hurtful words along the way. But forgiveness created a clean slate, and a clean slate made it possible to start rebuilding.
One pattern they see consistently in the couples they work with: resentment that builds when spouses feel unseen in a hard season. Forgiveness isn't passive. It's a decision to trust God with the healing and refuse to let the pile keep stacking.
Four Anchors That Hold a Marriage Together in Hard Seasons
Chad and Sarah-Gayle close the episode with four things that sustained their marriage across grief, business failure, and the weight of starting over. These aren't theories. They're the things that actually worked.
1. Community / Local Church
They were already planted in a local church in LA, not as spectators, but as people who had served and built real relationships. When the losses came, people brought food, prayed with them, and showed up. Community didn't replace God in their story, but it was the hands and feet of his grace in tangible form.
2. Personal Relationship with God
Separate from church attendance, both Chad and Sarah-Gayle had individual faith lives that kept growing even during the hard seasons. That's where the 'both and' insight came from. That's where the conviction about God's goodness took hold. Individual faith sustained the marriage even when the marriage was struggling.
3. Forgiveness
Hurt people hurt people. They say it plainly. In survival mode, couples wound each other. Forgiveness wasn't the absence of pain. It was the decision not to let resentment stack. It's difficult to forgive a spouse when you don't first recognize how much you've already been forgiven yourself.
4. Serving Each Other
Even in the hardest seasons, choosing to serve the other person created the bridge back to connection. Service is what turns individual faith into relational repair. It's the move that says 'I still choose you' even when the feelings aren't there yet.
A Word From Scripture
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." — Romans 8:28
This verse isn't a promise that painful things won't happen. It's an anchor for when they do. Sarah-Gayle returned to this truth repeatedly through three losses: brother, mother, sister. Even when the outcome didn't match what she had prayed for, she chose to trust that God was working something she couldn't fully see yet. That conviction didn't come from a moment of easy belief. It was forged in real grief.
Key Takeaways From This Episode
- Comparison quietly disconnects couples. Both spouses' needs matter, even in a season of grief.
- A faith crisis is often just as disruptive to a marriage as the loss itself. Name it, don't avoid it.
- Staying connected during hard times starts with asking how you're contributing to the solution, not just what your spouse is getting wrong.
- Forgiveness isn't optional in hard seasons. It's what prevents resentment from becoming a permanent wall.
- Community, personal faith, forgiveness, and service are the four anchors that hold a marriage together when life falls apart.
For You and Your Spouse
- Is there something one of us has been holding back to protect the other? Is there space for both of us to be honest right now?
- In our current hard season, are we fighting against each other or alongside each other?
- Which of the four anchors (community, personal faith, forgiveness, or serving each other) feels weakest in our marriage right now?
If this episode hit close to home, you don't have to navigate this season alone. Chad and Sarah-Gayle work with couples facing grief, disconnection, and the weight of starting over. Book a free consultation and let's talk about where you are and what's possible for your marriage.
About the Authors
Sarah-Gayle Galbreath, MSMFT
Sarah-Gayle holds a Master's in Marriage & Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University and has 15+ years of experience helping Christian couples build stronger, more connected marriages. She and her husband Chad have been married 20+ years and co-host the Hope Relentless podcast together.
Chad Galbreath, Ordained Minister
Chad is an ordained minister with a Bachelor's in Sociology from UCLA and 15+ years of experience helping married couples find practical, lasting breakthrough. Together with Sarah-Gayle, he leads marriage workshops, teaches at local churches, and co-hosts the Hope Relentless Christian Marriage Podcast.