Love and Respect Is Oxygen to a Marriage

Love and respect. Two words we hear all the time when it comes to marriage. Two words that, when they are lived out, breathe life into a relationship, and when they are neglected, quietly breed decay.

Words are powerful. With them we create the atmosphere of our marriage. And Scripture does not treat love and respect as optional extras. It treats them as oxygen.

Key takeaways

• Love and respect set the atmosphere. Lived out, they bring life; neglected, they breed decay.
• Ephesians 5:33 says "must." Love and respect are not optional in a thriving marriage.
• They are not gender-exclusive. Wives want to be respected, and husbands want to be loved, too.
• The simplest path is to ask. The best way to love or respect your spouse is to find out what makes them feel it.

Love and Respect Are Not Optional

Ephesians 5:33 puts it plainly: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Did you notice the word must? Without love and respect, the marriage suffers. So it is worth getting genuinely good at both.

Love and respect, lived out, breathe life into a marriage. Neglected, they breed decay. Hope Relentless

The Simplest Way to Love and Respect Your Spouse

Love and respect are simple concepts that we tend to complicate. The best way to know how to love your wife or respect your husband is to ask them. The answer will look a little different for each of us, but almost everyone has an answer. So take a minute and think about it, and then talk about it together: what are some things your spouse could do to make you feel loved? How about respected?

And remember, these are not mutually exclusive or assigned to one gender. Wives want to be respected and husbands want to be loved as well. The best practice is simple: create an abundance of both, in as many ways as possible, as often as possible. Getting curious about what actually lands for your spouse is the whole game, and we go deeper on that in how curiosity saves your marriage.

Here are some ideas to get you started. These are not a replacement for an actual conversation about how your spouse would feel loved or respected, just a runway.

10 Ways to Love Your Wife

• Date her. Plan the date nights, and plan for a babysitter if you need one.
• Use your words and speak adoration over her.
• Compliment her physical appearance, using specific details.
• Make her dinner.
• Listen with attentiveness. Make eye contact, ask questions, and validate.
• Plan a night out for her and her friends.
• Reenact your first date.
• Plan a renewal of vows.
• Take her shopping, and be fully present with her while you are there.
• Spoil her like it is an anniversary, on an ordinary day.

10 Ways to Respect Your Husband

• Use your words to tell him you respect him.
• Offer to serve him food at outings.
• Receive his influence when he has a strong opinion.
• Speak to his potential.
• Listen to him by staying engaged in the conversation.
• Ask him for an idea.
• Ask him for his advice on something, and then follow it.
• Speak positively about him in front of other people.
• Give him a compliment that is specific.
• Thank him for all he does for you and your family.

Key scripture

Your next step this week

Ask your spouse one simple question: what is one thing I could do this week that would make you feel truly loved, or truly respected? Then do that one thing, no strings attached.

Reflection questions for you and your spouse

1. What are three specific things that make me feel loved? That make me feel respected?
2. Which of the ideas above would land most with you right now?
3. Where have I been waiting to receive love or respect before I am willing to give it?
4. What is one way we could create an abundance of both this week?

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Cheering you on,
- Chad & Sarah-Gayle

There's always, always hope.